How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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