I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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