Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
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Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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