I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize