based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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