good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
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The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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