I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize