The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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