This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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