Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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