If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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