real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
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If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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