you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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