Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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