Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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