They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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