drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize