I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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