Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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