you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We just shotgunned beers for America
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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