I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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