I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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