hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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