You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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