Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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