would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize