he thought i was a dude.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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