my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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