Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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