my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
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IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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