One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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