I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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