You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
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Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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