So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
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just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
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That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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