i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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