Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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