omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
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she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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