who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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