There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize