I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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