wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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