I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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