Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
one two three fourrrrnication!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize