Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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