she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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