how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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