I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize