im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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