C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
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Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
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Every concussion has its silver lining
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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