Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize